Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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