your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize