i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
