Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
