i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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