I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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