My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize