I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
