I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
