i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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