i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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