Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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