that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
