Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize