if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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