I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
