Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
