My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
