Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize