The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
