just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
