you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize