Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
