is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
