it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Houston, we have a squirter
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
