Nicole vs. Life
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
