I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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