So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
