he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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