she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's never too late to be topless.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
