I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
