the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
