Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
