The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In other news, I just burned my penis
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
