Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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