I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
