you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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