she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
