I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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