I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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