holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
