problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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