I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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