Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
