My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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