woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
