I need help removing her.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Someone signed my nipple.
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