I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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