Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
