My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize