May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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