It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
