i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
