at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
