somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
