the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
