I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Rumble strips road head = magical
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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