saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
