Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
