Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
