you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
