so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
