bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
