She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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