new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
