Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
