Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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