Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's shark week go big or go home
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
