You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize