And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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