matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
