I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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