bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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