Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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