I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
