Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
