How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
