and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will pee on everything he values.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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